When it comes to my experiences in polyamory, the one big do-over I would ask for would to have been negotiating the secrecy/DADT the Ex Al insisted upon. Yes when it came to the military, it was a good idea to be in the closet there.
But my family – blood relatives and close friends. How I had wished I could have shared the truth about my partner of five years. How I wanted to share him with the world as my love, instead of as a best friend. How he as a monogamous person was able to tolerate the position of non-recognition for so long is beyond me, other than he loved me. And we all make compromises to be with the one(s) we love.
And even today, being out of the poly closet for over three years now, it would be easier if I had been open with my family all along. Mommy Dearest believed I was having an affair, and bless her soul never called me on it. But since the divorce, and my coming out of the closet, I have only one partner. My mother doesn’t understand how Writer can be married to his wife and love me, how he is not cheating, and why he does not divorce her. If I had been able to tell her the truth back then, my life would be so much easier now because I would have had 20 years for her to get used to the idea that marriage does not have to mean monogamy and commitment can exist outside of and in addition to marriage vows.