I’ve turned heavily monogamish. I may never go back to multiple loves with physical aspects. I don’t know. But as long as Writer is fulfilled with the way things are, why should he have to choose? True, I am not happy with status quo – I believe I would be more content if I felt he was still with the wife because he was happy and fulfilled instead of out of a sense of obligation – but I will never ask him to stop supporting her and taking care of her. When Writer and I got together we both had spouses, though I was in process of ending my marriage, and we both identified as poly.
Last week I mentioned TC, my 5 year partner, who was monogamous to me while I was also married. The reason I am no longer with him is not because we no longer loved each other. Quite the contrary. I still love TC as much as ever, even though I know not if he even still breathes.
The reason I ended what had been the most emotionally and spiritually fulfilling relationship of my life to that point was simple. He was asking me to leave my husband, get divorced to be with him, and to marry him. TC’s reasoning was sound – he hated seeing me in tears over how the hubby treated me and he wanted to protect me. I was still young, and all I heard was how he was breaking our understanding that I was married and would remain so. I felt betrayed by his request. (side note – In retrospect, I was stupid.. I wish I had seen it for what it was – a genuine desire to protect me, and not a ploy to have me just for himself. Many friends were saying the same thing. I was deaf to them as well.)
So if I could break up with a great love over that, how could I ever suggest to my own married love the same request to leave the marital contract fully behind and abandon his spouse! I don’t care of the reasons are valid. It is breaking an understanding that existed from the beginning – we were poly, he was married with no intention of divorce.
Leave your Spouse, cut off all ties, and marry me – I think not.