Have you ever gone out for an evening of frivolity to a bar? When you arrive it is early and few patrons are there – the air is clear, you can converse in a normal voice. And as the evening plods along the house starts slowly starts to get crowded, the air slowly fills with the haze of cigarette smoke, you have to shout to be heard by the person next to you -or you forgo conversation altogether because you can’t be heard over the din around you, the temperature slowly rises, bar service sucks and you can’t get a refill on your water, you miss a call on your cell when you can’t hear it ring, your friends are getting drunk and beginning to slur their words and talk stupid, even hurtful.
The scene in the bar developed slowly, you were hardly aware of the changes. Perhaps you stayed because your significant other was there and said it was not time to leave yet.
Then you step outside.
A blast of fresh, comfortable air. The cacophony of noise fades.
Do you go back inside? Or do you take a deep breath and keep walking?
This was my life. This was my marriage.
I was acutely aware of how unhappy I was. I was not not aware of just how much my circumstances had slowly changed over the years. I had a rebuttal to every friend who suggested my life sucked. It took a vacation away from home to visit an old friend (and former lover) to realize just what fresh air was.
I am deeply grateful to Krys for reawakening me to life without gaslighting or constant criticism; to be reminded that love, kindness, respect are just as important to receive as they are to give and that I was worthy of those things.
For my readers – I wish you a breath of fresh air when you need it most.
Inspired ‘s post.