An AHA Moment

Sometimes a revelation from a love provides clarity, and things make so much more sense.

And sometimes that clarity can cause heartache. Even so, as a believer in truth, even when it hurts, I am thankful. Because knowing where you stand and why then allows you to make more meaningful plans for the future.

I may have the opportunity for a great investment, purchasing my grandmother’s former home from the uncle who currently owns it. Whether I would move there and be 0.2 miles (4 minute walk) from Writer’s primary home or continue to live in my current home about 25 minutes away, I would be able to rent one of the houses for more than the expense of buying and maintaining.

When discussing the possibilities with Writer, I asked once again, if I were to move so close, would he consider sleeping with me every night. I figure he would still be able to financially support his friend/wife and would actually be more available to her for the Honey-Do lists and transportation needs, and I would hear less about how much he misses me and is lonely when he is “home.” That part is really painful for me to hear.

His reply – paraphrased – was that even if I were to buy the house and move there, he does not feel that he would be comfortable staying with me for sleeping every night, because he finds it comforting to be around the vast majority of his “stuff.”

He has never voiced that to me before. I had been working on the assumption that his  main reason was trying to have a relationship with the wife who no longer loves him and to spend time with his adult son that he also supports in that same home. He has never voiced the desire to move his stuff here so he feel more comfortable. In fact I had practically begged him to move some of what he does keep at “my” home to it.

To say I was blown away is an understatement. I am trying my best to understand how “stuff” has such a strong appeal that one would stay in a home that holds little to no love or emotional comfort from the people within when those and more are available and willing. I have cried. I let depression wash over me. I have laughed at the absurdity.

Where do I stand?

Regardless of which home I live in, should I purchase the investment, what action do I take from here? What does this mean for any future?

Where does Writer stand? What does he want for his future? Will the revelation prompt him to actively work to mitigate my perception of him being less vested in us because of what walls his stuff sits in? What would make him the happiest?

So many more questions. Time will tell.

Like apophenia – looking for patterns where none exist – I’m sure I will over-analyze the situation and find plenty to see. I excel at that skill.

Regardless of the emotions I am feeling and sorting through, I am grateful to have heard the words. Have you ever had a similar experience? What worked for you?


About Apophenias

I'm human. Female. Self-employed. Searching for connections in the randomness of life. Currently residing the US. ... And not quite defined by being in the midst of a biological ticking.
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