I’m in love and it hurts.
A commenter wondered why I haven’t gone to the police to report my love as a sex offender. I ask myself that too. Part of me says it is to protect me, his wife, his sons, and my son and my son’s girlfriend. People are cruel. When my mother’s husband was charged (though never prosecuted) for what he did to me, we were victimized over and over and over, by others. The bullying I endured at the Catholic high school was so bad, the admin would do nothing.. I was grateful my mother permitted me to transfer to the public system again. Strangers and friends and acquaintances went out of their way to torment us even though we were victims already.
But that is not the reason.
He never touched her, never verbally abused her, but he did violate her privacy in an almost unforgivable manner. The girl, as I refer to her is well into adulthood. They were already planning to move out on their own, she and my son. I have not confirmed it first hand, but believe she did not tell me to protect me.
My man has started treatment, and I believe he really wants to learn to become a better person.
Granted, I gave him choice to leave and seek treatment or I would go to police. And after he got there, embraced it.
When I finally get a chance to sit down with the girl, to let her know that I know, she may decide to press charges, and if she does, I will support her 100%. That does not mean I want to be vindticive for my own pain. I believe in facing consequences.
Just charges alone would not protect others from him. In the aftermath, I learned he had offended in a different manner years ago, was charged with Disorderly Conduct paid his fine, and never addressed the source of his actions.
I knew of the charges from years ago as when we started dating I did a court lookup on him, but when I asked him he glossed over the true reason, a lie of omission. I had no reason not to believe his explanation and no cause to think it was a sex offense. My own son had a Disorderly conduct conviction as a young teen when he pushed a bully out of the way and the boy cut his lip on a locker and the boy’s father pressed charges.
In my heart, I truly believe that only charges would have done nothing for the benefit of anyone in his future. And charges may still come, but he will face them better and be more aware of how his choices impact others.