Anxiety has decreased considerably and depression is lessened, but still hangs on with a vengeance.
The hardest part, aside from the ever present loneliness, is living in emotional limbo.
The love of my life has hurt me. The relatively minor offense that could label him sex offender, was it a blessing in disguise for me?
I had my eyes wide open, and knew others thought I was being used. But I was happy with love and attention. I could overlook the fact that my bank account was dwindling, I knew it and gave freely in the form of free rent, activities, gifts.
Now I feel used when I have told him to finish moving out and he has cancelled the two times he had planned, and the cash I had directly loaned him has sat unpaid for months when we agreed he would settle monthly. I could be renting the space his stuff sits in.
My counselor who specializes in sex offenders and their families is a godsend, as is my life coach. I am finally learning to set boundaries and put my needs first. I had a meeting with Writer a week ago and I let him set a deadline to finish moving and repay the direct loan. He chose by the end of the month, and today started asking me when a good time for him to come by was. I’m not holding my breath for it to happen, nor am I going to give him constant reminders. If it does not happen, I will send him a certified letter giving him a week to comply or I will file in small claims court.
I did consult with an attorney, and do have the option of taking him to court myself. While his actions were not directed to me, I have been hurt. I could file for lost wages, medical expenses, and pain and suffering. PTSD, anxiety, and depression are as real as a physically visible injury.
Just knowing I have that option, a nuclear option, helps me. Even if I never take that route.