Happy Halloween all. I hope your celebration is happier than mine.
I’m deeper in my funk. Earlier this month I had a “business meeting” with writer where I asked him to set a deadline for finishing moving his belongings out. He chose “by the end of the month” and managed to retrieve one load. I appreciated that he also remembered to pay his debt that was tracked on my white board.
Today is the end of the month, and Writer is stoked about participating in NaNoWriMo. I had held so well to my intention of allowing him to be responsible for his deadline, without constant reminders or nagging. I had intended to send a certified letter if he missed his self-imposed deadline, but knowing how much he wanted to be focused on his writing, I made the conscious choice last night to bring it up. I asked what his plans were for today, his reply did not include moving, and then I asked if going forward I could expect the $50/month I could otherwise receive for the space he using for storage.
Writers reply via text slapped me across the face, saying he felt like he was being “maneuvered” and he would get his “shit” and whatever I “feel is appropriate we will discuss.” I did not select his deadline. I am not responsible for his having missed it. How then do I feel like I am at fault?
This week Writer missed his next appointment with the sexual offender/sex addict counselor. When I had wished him safe travels, he said I was mistaken on the date, that it was the next day. I was not mistaken as he found out the following day.
Intellectually I know ADD makes it difficult to prioritize and to meet deadlines. But emotionally I feel like if an appointment or deadline were important to him, he would set enough reminders in his phone or elsewhere to keep himself on track. He could even ask his wife or an adult child to help remind him.
For the moving as with the missed appointment, I need to remind myself that he is responsible for his actions, to let go of my sense of responsibility and ownership of his in-actions. When he is ready to face all his past actions with counseling and the finality of us not being together with moving belongings – he will.