There is a difference between healing from trauma and simply having it affect us less. A BIG difference
I was reminded of this in session Monday. My therapist was talking about how if we have not healed from the past, it may intensify current situations.
For example, if you were bullied severely in high school and never worked through that, when someone today says something you may feel the emotions you held during the bullying, rather than being able to see it through a lense of health.. See the facts and process that the person may have just had a bad day or you may have earned whatever they said.
I have reacted emotionally when Writer has called me a bully. Perhaps he has not healed from the bullying we both endured at the Catholic high school (for different reasons). Instead of being able to own his role in a situation, it appears that he feels the pain of being bullied and spit on for no reason other than the kids were f’ing assholes, and then generally deflects and accuses the other person of something worse.
I know I’ve done the same thing at times. When I start to get upset, I need to pause and ask myself if whatever “it” is I am being accused of is at least partially true, and own that. When I deflect back and accuse the person of being off base or, worse yet, accuse them or something else, I am doing all including myselfy a disservice.