Papers and Protection

I taught STD awareness to recruits just getting out of boot camp back in the late 80’s. Back when AIDS was a death sentence. I have kept up with the medical literature on what are now called STIs, and one I would dislike most is hepatitis.. And even that has a treatment now

I didn’t request my ex husband be tested prior to the deed. He was a virgin, no doubts whatsoever. But others, heck yeah. And you want bareback.. Fluid bonded.. You are tested at least twice clean, and if you have other partners.. They have papers and protection, or we go back to testing and protection ourselves.

With Writer I never had any other partners. I even declined the ex a courtesy goodbye tumble when he requested because he had not been tested since I had moved out (turns out he had still only ever had sex with me, but I didn’t know at the time).

Because when I left the ex I could be open about poky for the first time in my life, there were some pretty interesting conversations, mostly around bonfires.
I remember one such bonfire, Writer and I talking with buddies about my “papers and protection ” requirement for any potential partners. One man scoffed and said he would be offended and leave any woman who needed to see her papers. And the guy next to him had the opposite reaction, even pulling out his phone and saying how he had just gotten the email from his doc with his latest results.

I have a buddy I am somewhat physically attracted to, and while he has many traits I adore, I know that he would never be life partner material due to his love of the drink. Still, he is fun to hang out with, and has even offered to spend the night cuddling adding the disclaimer not more because he hasn’t been and he won’t get tested. He believes that because he has not had PIV sex with a woman in 3 years that he is clean. He just isn’t interested in being tested and if a woman says no test, no sex he is fine with no sex. In all honesty, I do believe he is disease free.

I do miss sex. A lot. Not as much as I miss plain physical intimacy (both of which I lost when I was firm with Writer that he had to leave and get help)

I mentioned this to my therapist. How I might consider tossing aside my decades old requirement of papers, but only for a FWB that I was very sure was clean, and not for a potential partner. She found this odd. I explained that in a potential partner I would want to see that respect for my needs, and in a temporary f buddy that level of respect just wouldn’t be needed. If course protection in absence of papers and fluid bonding would not be negotiable (unless it was for breeding…) I figure it will be a long while before I am whole enough for  real relationship.. Long enough for more routine sti testing for myself in any event.

What are your levels of comfort for new partners?
If you were single and/or seeking a tumble, would you have different comfort level based on relationship potential?


About Apophenias

I'm human. Female. Self-employed. Searching for connections in the randomness of life. Currently residing the US. ... And not quite defined by being in the midst of a biological ticking.
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