I’m crying again, because being true to myself hurts too.
I’ve posted several times in the past about a long-distance poly partner, Krys. I do still love him, and will cherish the times we had. He helped me see my value when I felt had none and was, by phone, emotionally supportive as I was leaving my abusive ex-hubby.
But in really looking at his actions, I’ve come to see him as as much of a user and liar as Writer.
He kept me on the hook, telling me how he wasn’t seeing anyone while overseas – honestly I would have been happy for him. Come to find out he and his baby mamma were an item for many years over there as evidenced by captions and pics of the two of them in a running group over there. I had believed him.
He had a long term (supposedly gone platonic) love he shared a home with. Only none of his friends where he lived knew about her.. only that he went “home” to his other house for long weekends. It hurt when my ex-hubby was secretive about me where he worked, though I believe it was so he would not get any flak about his girlfriend there. If Krys and I ever were to have a “real” relationship, he would most likely keep me a secret too.
Krys had said he would in the area for the holidays and wanted to get together. I invited him to an event and no answer. When he finally did respond, it was he would be here for a short visit this week and could see me one afternoon. I told him to pass on it and spend it with people who mattered to him.
Today I sent him an email saying goodbye, and the reasons. That I was deleting his contact info & message archives, and that I only hoped I was strong enough not to contact him again. It was the quickest reply I have had from him in years. He said he never meant to hurt me, and to give his regards to my son and mother, who both loved him and ask about him frequently.
Perhaps he will use the opportunity to reflect on his actions and adjust his future.
If somebody truly matters, they shouldn’t have to dig deep for signs that they do and they should know that their love is actually honest with them.
Goodbye Krys. I recognize loving you was not healthy for me. I value me. I matter to me.