Going From Poly to Mono

This is a strange journey. And one I am actually looking forward to seeing where it takes me.

I had NEVER been mono wired, even when I tried to be when I was younger. When I was 18, I was once “engaged” to three men at once, for a few weeks anyhow. After marriage I was a “one plus one” poly type of gal, my primary and a secondary who was equal emotionally but did not share legal and financial ties. I’m late 40’s now, and somewhere along the way things shifted.

I actually WANT to be mono. My last relationship of 4 years, I was physically mono with a poly man. It wasn’t his lies, or breaking agreements that broke me of the desire. Even when I first started dating Writer, I realized I had become monogamish, and wanted to one-on-one bond with him, while honoring his marriage.

Now, I am consciously choosing to seek a mono-mono life partnership for my future. And I am excited about it. I want to grow old with my love – whomever that turns out to be. I want to focus my romantic attachment on one, and that one focus on me.

It does NOT mean that I will not continue to form close relationships, or to love others. I love my best friends, I care about them and would gladly care for them if they needed.

What does it mean? It means that I can share my sexual side more deeply with one person, instead of seeking that ooh shiny. It means I can still share my soul with those I care about, without the drama that comes with sharing bodily fluids.

I don’t have a partner right now. I have the possibility of one down the road. I do miss sex. This is the longest I have ever gone since losing my virginity as a teen without “getting some.” Could I get laid today – heck yeah! I don’t because aside from STI risks, I tend to give my heart too quickly when I’ve been physical. I want my next “Big O” to be with someone I want forever with.

Poly was pretty easy. I can’t say  monogamy will be. And you know what, I feel like I am valuing myself more, and being more critical of those I might consider for partnering.

A recent article from the Washington post about toxic workers stated “Avoiding a toxic worker generates returns that are estimated to be nearly two-to-one compared to the benefits of hiring a superstar worker. And that doesn’t include potential expenses from things like litigation, regulatory penalties or reduced morale related to such a hire.” I’m well aware this applies to personal relationships as well! Being choosy about a life partner may take more time, but will cost less financially and emotionally in the long run.


About Apophenias

I'm human. Female. Self-employed. Searching for connections in the randomness of life. Currently residing the US. ... And not quite defined by being in the midst of a biological ticking.
This entry was posted in Dating, polyamory, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Going From Poly to Mono

  1. Takate Kote says:

    Good luck on your journey 🙂


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