I have lived through so much that no one deserves to endure.
Life is so hard.
I want to have an equal to share life with. Is that so much to desire?
At the moment, it feels as if All I know is pain and betrayal. The happy moments feel like illusions when placed in the context of being shared with those who eventually shattered my life.
It has been shattered so many times. Each time I found the strength to gather the shards and move forward.
I can put on a good face. Fake it til you make it.
I wonder if I will make it through this time.
I see no purpose in my future. I mean so little to those I have loved and those I do love.
If I could disappear without leaving a mess for them to clean up, I would. But simple never happens.
I will plod on. Finish my move. Finish the transfer of duties to new volunteers in my group. Attempt to find some purpose and meaning in what appears to be a bleak, lonely future. I feel dead. I want to feel alive, to feel mutual love and respect