Another Confirmation that I Don’t Matter

This week was ex Al’s birthday
I reminded our son that his father would probably really appreciate at least a call. Why did I do that?

On the day, I got a text meant for the ex from some family friends. They had been his friends/mentors first. I loved them, and believed they loved me too

When I told them of the divorce, I said I intended to be scarce, so Al would not be uncomfortable turning to them… the same way I became scare for another mutual friend. They said they loved me, that would not change and it wasn’t necessary to be scarce.

Long story short, when I let them know of their delivery error it ended up my learning that they have been avoiding me and purposely not returning my contacts for past two years “out of respect” for Al.
What of respect for me?

What hurts worse than their taking sides, is that they didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me outright of their change of heart, and that I no longer mattered to them.
So, did I ever matter, or was I simply the “plus one” to Al that they accepted as such.

They always were busy, social people with way over scheduled calendars, so until today it was easy to brush off the fact that they didn’t return my infrequent contacts and invitations. Guess I didn’t want to push for the truth when not knowing for a fact hurt less.

I know Al lied to many people about us, but if those lies are what swayed them, I thought they knew me better than to not ask for my side of the story. Al’s drinking buddies who believed him.. I didn’t care if those people had any inkling of the truth, because they didn’t matter to me… yet these friends did matter to me. I had believed if I were ever in need, they would be there for me just as they would for Al, without taking sides

Divorce sucks, even when you’ve been divorced for years.


About Apophenias

I'm human. Female. Self-employed. Searching for connections in the randomness of life. Currently residing the US. ... And not quite defined by being in the midst of a biological ticking.
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